Starting Fresh

Hey there,

So I've attempted this whole blogging thing once before a couple of years back and failed miserably at it, but yesterday after reading a post a friend of mine made I felt so inspired to jump back into this world. Bare with me as I try to wade through the struggles of actually putting something meaningful together.

I want to talk about college. I know, don't remind you school is just a mere few weeks away, right? It sucks, yes, but it has to happen eventually. This is my second year at my university, but technically credit wise I'm a junior which is terrifying to think about and we're not even going to begin treading that water yet. It's so weird to remember that this time last summer I was absolutely dreading the thought of going anywhere near my campus. Buying supplies for my dorm as well as for my classes in general made me nauseous and anytime my parents questioned if I was ready to go I almost broke down in tears. You see, I was convinced my college experience was going to suck. I thought I would make no friends at all, I thought I would hate my roommate, and how the heck was I supposed to survive without my mom making decisions for me? To add onto my list of worries, my best friend was going to a different school and while yes it was only 20 minutes away, I hated the fact that she wouldn't be readily available when my breakdowns were bound to occur. 

Spoiler alert: Only one of the things really became an issue.

To be honest, the first week was literal hell. I hated it with every fiber of my being. I was homesick. I felt uncomfortable and out of place. I felt lost. We had this thing called Ram Rush during that first week where you were thrown into a group of people that you're supposed to stay with all that week and participate in activities together and I dreaded every minute of it. I don't know if I necessarily  have social anxiety, if I do it's minimal and mainly stems from the fact that I'm claustrophobic, introverted, and generally a quiet person and being in large groups scares me because I am quite the awkward person. Carrying on conversations isn't my forte and I'm really not a fan of small talk-seriously, who really cares how you're handling the surprise rain shower that popped up? Due to this line of thinking, I didn't click with anyone in my group. They were all loud, eager to find their place at the school and make friends, and frankly I just found them to be obnoxious. To make matters worse, they liked to comment on how quiet and reserved I was. Most days were spent with me wanting to cry and missing my best friend who didn't move into her college until the next week. I wish I was exaggerating.

At this point, you're probably like 'why are you telling me all of this?'

Well, the answer, my friend, is simple: It got better.

The only good thing that came out of my roommate that first semester was she introduced me to my first friend on campus. Through him, I then made the group of friends I have now: consisting of a core group of about five people with a couple of floaters here and there. Having these people in my life made my experience at my university about 1029477x better. I got a new roommate the second semester whom I loved and that also increased my enjoyment since before her I was understandably afraid to really go in my room. Not only that, but I learned that my professors for the most part are wonderful human beings and that I actually quite enjoy making small independent decisions (though big ones still require a small army to aid me). The homework load wasn't killer, I'm only about an hour from home so I was able to visit, and I saw my best friend all the time.

This year, I'm actually really looking forward to going back. I want to see my friends, I'm curious about my new profs, and I'm pretty stoked to get to experience Ram Rush in a much more pleasant way than last time. The best part? My best friend transferred and now I get to live with both her and my roommate that I loved so much. It doesn't get much better, as far as I'm concerned.

My point is, if you're like me and literally broke down in tears anytime you had to visit your campus: just breathe. If you're about to be in your first year and are convinced that it's going to completely suck: just take the chance. I can't guarantee that it will be great from the get-go, but I assure you it will in time. If it's not getting better or you're about to go back for another year after the first never got above the literal hell level, consider changing something. Maybe the group of people you're around are toxic for your mind, maybe your major isn't suited for you, maybe you and your university aren't a match made in heaven. If you're unhappy and remain unhappy, look into what changes you're able to make. No one deserves to suffer, but people do because they feel they have no other options. There's always a way out-whether that means changing classes because the teacher isn't clicking with you or finding a group of people that you truly feel comfortable with, I promise you there's a way to make it better. Sometimes all it takes is one step.

I hope this makes sense and that maybe it even helped. Probably not, but hey I'm new at this whole thing. 

Good luck, my fellow college kids. We're all in this together. *cue the HSM music in the background*

XO,

S