thank u, next

I've said this 1000 times by now, but I work with kids with Autism and other mental disabilities/illnesses. After 8 months, I've figured out I really do love working with behavior and trying to help my kids gain new skills and not have to rely on someone for everything. They're hilarious, kind, bright, frustrating, and horribly nerve-wracking all rolled up in one cute little bundle (or big bundle depending on the student). They drive you up the wall and test any shred of patience you have, then give you the biggest hugs even if it's only with the intention of pinching the back of your arms.

What I don't love is people underestimating them because of how they appear.

I'm fiercely protective of the girls on my caseload especially. They vary a lot in skill level-ranging from totally independent, gonna run the Tree one day, to very dependent and needs constant supervision or she might stick a rock in her mouth-but I believe they all have the potential to learn. So when some stranger who doesn't know them swoops in with "this child will never do x, y, and z," it kinda ignites a little part of me that is rarely provoked-like the mom bear in Brave.

There's one lady in particular whom we'll call Deb for the sake of this post. Deb has been working in this field longer than I've been alive and admittedly is very knowledgeable. When it comes to structure and academics, I do appreciate her input and advice. HOWEVER, when it comes to the ability of my kids, I kinda think I'm a bit more qualified to say what they can and can't do than someone who only pops in once a month.

Specifically, in a planning meeting Deb bashed the goals we had come up with for our kids to work on in the next year and stated that there was no way little Johnny boy was ever going to learn how to do something like brush his teeth on his own. One of my girls (we'll call her GG for the sake of HIPAA and ya girl doesn't want to lose her job), was brought up in the midst of all this because she is technically lower functioning. That was my breaking point.

You see, I got GG on my caseload in August, I believe, and when I got her there were more things she couldn't do than she could. She would crumple any picture you sat in front of her and try to put it in her mouth. She never wanted to stay in her seat. She would say a handful of words but couldn't really communicate her needs. She wouldn't feed herself. But guess what; 4 months later and she's picked up on so much. It's like one day she just flipped a switch and things started to click-which is what happens when you give them the chance. Now, not only can she say her name BUT she also will pat herself on the chest when she says it. You can't put food on a spoon fast enough before she's trying to snatch it aware from you to feed herself. She'll tap the pictures you ask her to point to instead of chewing on them. She can even brush her hair. Thanks to consistent staff and some more one-on-one work, she really is improving and gaining. When I met her, I didn't know what to expect, but boy has she made me proud.

GG is one that Deb would overlook as incapable of ever really functioning with much independence, when she's clearly starting to grasp some things. Like I said, Deb has been doing this for quite some time so maybe she can call it, but I can't just write off these kids as incapable when they've proven me wrong time and time again. It might take weeks, months, or even years, but I think it's possible for most of these kids to continue to develop new abilities with our help if you just keep trying. Not only that, but when you're new our kids are so much more likely to act out and not do what you ask them to because they want to see how much you'll let them get away with. I mean, think about it; why get yourself dressed if you can get someone else to do all the steps for you?

Here's the thing I want people to get: These individuals may process, feel, think, and react in totally different ways than a neurotypical person would, but that doesn't mean they don't understand. Some may not speak, but they know what you're saying. They may not be able to tell you what they're thinking, but their expressions say so much. And, trust me, they know how to play you just like any other cute kid. They'll pretend they can't open a candy wrapper just for the attention they get of you helping them. They'll come up behind you and bite your shoulder when you're crouched on the floor with another student because you're not playing with them and they want you. They'll stop wearing lace up shoes to school because they don't want to do their goal of learning to tie shoe laces.

These kids are so smart and they don't get half the credit they deserve because they get written off by people who have already given up on them before they've even given them the chance. We don't understand how much harder big tasks are to accomplish and should celebrate the little steps along the way. Would you just look at someone and tell them they'll never be able to accomplish something? Odds are probably not, so why are people so quick to do that to a nonverbal student on the spectrum? I get it to an extent; they can't speak, you have to help them bathe and wipe themselves, they can't be left alone. It seems like it's just easier to write them off and do everything for them, but when you do that you're not giving them the chance to attempt learning anything. You'll never know how much they can truly do if you approach interactions with them in this way.

I don't care if they're 5 or 25, verbal or have never spoken a coherent word in their life, I refuse to look at them and think they'll never be able to learn a skill. I will always hope that one day it really will click and the pieces will fall into place. I've seen it happen in just a few months, imagine what could happen in a few years with the right people involved.

There isn't any other point to this post. I was just irritated and wanted to share. I want everyone to see the potential of not only my girls, but anyone with any type of developmental or intellectual disability. Don't underestimate them. With that, I'll say thank you and next to "Deb" and her opinions of my kids.