Trina Trina ballerina

It’s surprising I haven’t written something about dance yet, considering it means so much to me. It was my first passion and still holds such a big part of my heart. I mean, I’ve done it for 20 years now.  If that’s not commitment, I don’t know what is.

Dance gives me a release in a way that writing can’t even do. While putting words in ink on a page helps me understand what I’m thinking or feeling and focuses the thoughts swirling in my head, giving clarity when I otherwise can’t articulate what’s going on in there, dance gives me a way to escape those thoughts and shut them off. Writing is a therapy for me and helps lift the weight, but dance lets me get completely out of my head because I don’t have any other choose. With writing, struggles can still puncture the bubble I’m trying to create. When I’m dancing, there’s too many other factors to worry about. Are my thighs pulled up? Am I rolling in on my arches? Are my feet sickled? Feet pointed? Oh gosh, my elbows are drooping. The list is endless, but it lets me get lost in it.

I fell back in love with dance fully the last couple of years when everything in life felt so unknown and shaky. It was something that could be comforting when my head was spinning. Even the worst of days could feel lighter with a ballet class, even if half my time was spent wondering if the teacher’s comments were patronizing or genuine.

I started ballet as a wee little 3 year old.

I don’t remember much about that. Supposedly I insisted on growing my bangs out after seeing the “big girls” at recital with their perfectly slicked back buns. I wanted to be just like them. If you asked me then what my dream job was I would have 100% said ballet teacher. I remember doing cartwheels  and tummy touches in class and thinking I was pretty cool because I could touch my feet to my forehead.  

I kept going back, year after year. At around 6-7, I gave tap a try. I wish so badly I had stuck with it now because dang I’d love to be even somewhat good at tap. But no, little me just had to quit and now I can’t get my body to be anywhere grounded enough to be remotely visually pleasing. Sad.

I stayed with the same school until I was around 13 and was apart of their ballet company, which also made me feel super cool because our shows were called Galas.

At 10ish, I got put en pointe. 

Clearly, not 10 year old Shelby, but nobody needs to see that train wreck. I loved my pointe teacher and struggled through the first couple of years, praying it would get less painful. Turns out, my shoes never properly fit and once I got that problem fixed, it got a little easier. As easy as standing on your toes in a tiny wooden box with only maybe a thin layer of padding to soften the floor can be. But I really truly did love pointe. 

As I said before, at 13 I moved studio with my lovely ballet teacher and joined the company she created. 

It was super fun. This studio also gave me the chance to try even more styles. We had a jazz class-which I was bad at. And I started taking lyrical-which I loved. And I stuck with these styles throughout the whole time I was there. My dancing as a whole really peaked during this time-by the time I was 15-16 I was taking 3 different ballet classes, two different levels of contemporary, modern, and jazz, plus Saturday rehearsals for company. I spent 3-4 days out of the week at the studio and loved every moment of it, from the 10 different costume changes, to all the different dances, to all my teachers. It was such a fun experience and really let me find those things that I loved-ballet of course, but contemporary quickly climbed the chain to be a close second. During this time, I also thought-once again-that I was the bomb-diggity and thought I could try out for a Joffrey intensive. Yeah, I chickened out of that one. But at least I was confident. 

I stuck with all those style throughout my senior year, when my modern teacher invited me and Katy to join her company-SWERVE. We tried, but ended up too busy to fully commit. College rolled around and we ended up sticking to Swerve but hardly took any other classes. I went from dancing all the time, to maybe once a week. I put in more effort in the later years to get back into more regular classes (when it works), but have always continued with SWERVE.

In the spring of 2016, I started having a really intense pain in my right ankle. It was a weird spot that I couldn’t really explain and wasn’t constant. But jumping and lots of ankle work definitely would cause this flare up. I remember trying to do a pointe class over the summer and being in so much pain, I couldn’t even stay on my toes. I thought maybe I was just getting weak from lack of pointe. I remember sitting in Panera after class with Katy one night when she told me about an article she read where some dancers had this extra bone in their ankle that caused them horrible pain. Well fast forward to July and...

Ya girl had an extra bone in her ankle that her tendon had literally grown around. The worst part about the whole thing was being stuck in a walking boot for a month after going back to mobile for school and walking around in the heat. Sweat central. I had surgery, had 2 months of recovery, and didn’t do my physical therapy like I was supposed to because I’m dumb. I haven’t done pointe since.

And that pretty much catches us back up to know. SWERVE is growing like crazy, it’s amazing to be a part of. And I get to share the experiences of that with my best friend which is pretty cool, too. Being a part of that company also has given me the opportunity to be involved in Pensacola state college’s summer dance workshop-a wonderful place that opened me up to so many styles and teachers that i otherwise would never have gotten to meet. I’ll always cherish that. I take adult ballet classes at mobile ballet anytime I get the chance. Those classes are what have really made me realize how much ballet especially helps me feel better in every possible way. It’s good for my soul, I suppose. I don’t ever want to lose the peace it brings. I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself.

Thanks for reading this journey of a post, it’s a bit all over, but it’s midnight and I couldn’t get this out of my head. So here we are.